TM - 216 - Impossible.

[toodamnmanymuses]

Good morning, Miss Demonstar. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves going to the Department of Motor Vehicles and renewing your driver’s license. You must complete this task in less than two hours and without bringing harm, either physical or emotional, to anyone in the building. This includes employees, people who bring their small screaming children, thugs, people who don’t speak English, and fresh faced teenagers talking excitedly about getting their first license. Please note that this assignment takes place in downtown New York during lunchtime when there’s one person manning the counter. As always, should anyone be maimed or killed, we will disavow all knowledge of your actions. Good luck. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.

BOOM!

Dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum. Dadadum! Dadadum! Da dum.

An hour after getting to the DMV, K’tanya was still waiting in line. Her time was rapidly running out, and worse still, her hair was starting to frizz in all the humidity caused by people’s sweat. Finally, when she couldn’t take it anymore, she finessed her way to the front of the line with a few coy words and suggestions. Unfortunately, the woman at the counter was less than helpful.

"Hi, I would like to get my license renewed and it needs to be fast cause I’ve got to be out of here in the next thirty minutes so I can meet my prince for a date and finally make my dreams come true."

The dragonlady behind the counter looked at her. "K’tanya, that is so cute! Now lemme tell you about me. My name is Wendy and I first moved to New York when I was 21 to be a dancer, but I broke my big toe and then I got knocked up by this actor who dumped me to join the Peace Corps, so for the last 16 years I been raising my daughter all by myself and then two weeks ago, she tells me that she is a bisexual and that she hates me more than any person on this planet. Now tell me how I can help you, please, because I am dying to make your dreams come true." **

K’tanya looks at the lady with eyes that have suddenly turned a blazing shade of burnt orange and crimson. “Lady, let me tell you something. My father killed my mother when I was just two years old, then he used me for his twisted schemes and desires. After I finally got away from him, I was forced to prostitute myself in order to survive until I finally found the first man of my dreams who then proceeded to break my heart and stomp it into the ground with his high heel shoes after he told me he was actually a man trapped in a lesbian woman’s body and had fallen in love with his secretary." She takes a deep breath before continuing. "Then, just recently, the most recent love of my life was beheaded and I had to bury him with his loser husband who totally stole him away from me! So why don’t you get your ass in gear and GET ME MY LICENSE BEFORE I GO TOTALLY POSTAL!" She takes another deep breath, straightens her hair and smiles brightly. "Pretty please?"

She was out with ten minutes to spare!

Mission accomplished.

** Totally stole this quote from Coyote Ugly!